Commissions are still very much open if anyone is interested.
Things are moving quite slowly, but I have not forgotten about anyone.
I'm just a very slow worker due to being an extreme perfectionist.
Speaking of perfectionism, it's often the thing that causes many commissions to take way longer than they probably should.I think it's about time I actually speak up about this and get this off my chest.
I really want pieces to look absolutely perfect for the buyer, especially since even though I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be on this subject, there's a small part of me that still believes that my art isn't worth the prices I'm charging.
So that leaves me to struggle a lot with getting a piece to look 100%
But then I run into a problem...or several..."What color is this character's eyes? The ref just has black dots...
Oh geez, I'm having a hard time with posing this OC....
Wait, are these markings symmetrical???
What kind of background did they want again, they forgot to mention it in the description..."
These are problems that I often run into a lot and the first thing that comes to mind is that I should message the buyer
and speak with them about it....but often times I don't. Mainly out of fear and embarrassment."I'm the artist, dammit. I'm supposed to be a professional. I should KNOW these things.
It's probably already on the ref/order info and I was just too blind and stupid to see it, lemme just check it again."
This is something I often think to myself. Silly and weird, right?...I know.
So I go back to the provided reference or email / note to see if I missed any important info,
only to see that sometimes whatever necessary missing info really just isn't there
That's when my anxiety kicks in and I really start freaking out. Sometimes having literal panic attacks even.
Again, I should be messaging the buyer and letting them know about the problem I'm in, but I immediately become flustered.
I get so scared and embarrassed by the thought of potentially bothering them /making them angry for not knowing something so simple or allowing so much time to pass and not mentioning such a problem way sooner.
And with that added on to the stress of school and life matters, it all becomes so much that I just---
shut down and completely stop functioning altogether. And then comes the panic attacks I mentioned earlier.
Well, I'm sick of that always happening and I want to change that.
I want to try and work on improving my communication skills with the progress of commissions,
as I know I have a bad habit of staying way too quiet about these things.
It's not because I'm trying to be underhanded or that I have forgotten about someone (Trust me, my consciousness and super strong sense of guilt for EVERYTHING I do won't allow it.) but because I've just developed this extreme and irrational fear of potentially being 'annoying' and 'Asking too many stupid questions' to the buyer, in turn making me stay unreasonably quiet when I probably should be asking vital questions and posting updates.
This leads to me making the rather foolish decision of trying to do everything on my own even when
I'm already extremely stressed and confused about something when instead I should be asking for help.
I want to try and break out of that fear if at all possible.
I already know that this is gonna be hard for me (Because I'm such a damn anxiety-ridden mess of a person),
but I really want to make an effort to try to be more active in speaking up when I have a problem like this when doing commissions.
It really feels nice to finally say that after having held all that in for like, 2 or 3 years...